Forgiving Yourself

The previous post discussed how in forgiving others you choose to release the catabolic energy of hurt, anger and blame in favor of the anabolic energy of forgiveness in order to liberate yourself and move forward. If you read the post, you may have wondered why I didn’t mention the role and benefits of forgiving yourself for perceived errors and omissions as well.

Self-forgiveness is an infinitely more difficult, involved and potentially rewarding process, so it merits its own dedicated post.

So many of us repeatedly beat ourselves up over everything. I should have done this differently or better, I shouldn’t have done that at all, I shouldn’t have said what I did, I should have expressed what I really felt. If only I were a better person (mother, father, spouse, sibling, friend, coworker, boss), I’d have reacted differently. If only I had studied harder, if only I had cared more, if only I had cared less. Why didn’t I take a stand, why didn’t I reach out to a friend? Whatever your particular spin and phrasing, this form of endless self-castigation is fed by fear-fueled, destructive catabolic energy that keeps you stuck and holds you back.

Forgiving Yourself

As hard as it can be to demonstrate compassion and grace toward others, it can be even harder—seemingly impossible—to extend to ourselves.

Worn down by a relentless inner critic that finds fault with everything we think, say and do, it’s no wonder we get stuck. It’s tough to forgive yourself—let alone foster the mindfulness, imagination, discernment and discipline to make any desired changes in yourself and your life—if, at your core, you believe you’re never good enough and you don’t matter. Breaking free begins with self-forgiveness grounded in an understanding that you are good enough and you do matter.

You are a unique cocreative expression of the Divine. How could that ever not be enough?

In fact, according to Bruce D. Schneider, author of Energy Leadership and founder of the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC), YOU’RE ALREADY PERFECT. In his book, Relax, You’re Already Perfect, Bruce defines perfection as “unique unto itself.” Although you sometimes think, say or do things you wish you hadn’t, the endless assault of hypercritical head chatter isn’t helping you change for the better and grow, it’s keeping you stuck and holding you back.

The key is to let go of the judgmental catabolic energy of condemnation and embrace the expansive anabolic energy of self-forgiveness.

Recognize that your current approach to life isn’t aligning with your values, desires and priorities, figure out what’s not working and make the necessary adjustments. Demonstrate unconditional self-love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude for the complexity of human experience, take responsibility, commit to showing up differently, make amends and move forward. Break the cycle of self-blame. When you notice aspects of yourself or your journey that feel less than optimal, CELEBRATE all the continued opportunities for growth.

Congratulations, you’re not done yet!

In the words of Saint Francis de Sales, Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them—every day begin the task anew.”

Ready to set yourself free through self-forgiveness?  Sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Our exploration of the principles shared by Bruce D. Schneider in his book, Energy Leadership, continues with the topic of forgiveness. Many people have difficulty forgiving others because they mistakenly believe that, in forgiving, they are condoning—and potentially encouraging the repetition of—a particular act or behavior. The primary dictionary definition of forgiveness is “to excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.” The Energy Leadership perspective on forgiveness goes deeper—forgiveness involves releasing the self-destructive catabolic energy of judgment and blame so that you can move forward. In this definition, the concepts of “wrong” or “right” fade as we recognize that whatever we are aren’t forgiving is imprisoning and holding us back.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what the other person did was fine and didn’t hurt. It’s about detaching from inviting the event to continue to have any negative hold over you. When you forgive, you detach from the destructive impact that fanning the catabolic flames of blame has on you by embracing the anabolic energy of forgiveness to liberate and empower yourself instead.

Forgiveness is a superpower. One of the biggest shifts you can make to remove catabolic energy from your life is to forgive others. In the seven levels of energy described in his book, Bruce identifies Level 3 as the one at which your energetic balance shifts from predominantly fear-fueled, constricting, restricting, destructive catabolic energy to a preponderance of love-fueled, expanding, empowering, constructive anabolic energy. The key emotion associated with that shift at Level 3 is forgiveness. You make that uplifting shift every time you forgive those you feel have wronged you in some way.

At first glance, forgiving someone else can seem like an impossible task. If you are like many, when you believe the other person did something wrong, didn’t show you respect, undermined you, hurt you or violated one of your core values, your first reaction is to feel hurt, upset, angry or resentful. You blame them and maybe even crave revenge. Think of a situation in your life, current or past, where someone did something that you haven’t forgiven. How do you still feel when you think about it? Sit with those emotions for a moment, fully embracing them and noticing how they feel in your body, mind, heart and soul. Then read on.

Dwelling on that past unforgiven offense probably didn’t cause you to feel loved, encouraged, peaceful, relaxed and calm. Every time you rehash painful past experiences, you are choosing to re-injure yourself by generating the same toxic cortisol stress cocktail in your system that you originally fostered during your chosen reaction to the initial experience. Holding onto anger and resentment hurts you much more than it can ever hurt the other person.

Harnessing catabolic energy to lash out at the offender may temporarily restore a false sense of power. But that “good feeling” will quickly fade as the poisonous catabolic energy you are harboring inside you continues to eat away at you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually—blocking you from having the life you really want and being the person you want to be.

One of my favorite forgiveness quotes comes from St. Augustine, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” By not forgiving, you are only hurting yourself. If you spend most of your energetic resources on blame and anger, you’ll have little left to invest in more constructive, life affirming engagement. By not forgiving, the hurt to yourself goes on and on.

How can you release those feelings? Take responsibility for what you are thinking and feeling and realize that you have the power to make things better for yourself. As Bruce D. Schneider is fond of saying, “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Give yourself one of the greatest gifts–choose to forgive others. Realize that in order for you to feel like a winner, someone else doesn’t have to lose. Remember that others are always doing the best they can in each moment with the love and light they have concerning the circumstances they are facing.

Look for the gift and opportunity in whatever’s happened. Change your perspective. Think of forgiving in a different way and thank the other person for giving you an experience that you are going to use to help you learn and grow.

Choose your energy: change your life!

Eager to explore the greater liberation to be found in strengthening your ability to forgive?  Sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button?

This post builds on our ongoing discussion of the empowerment principles shared in Bruce D. Schneider’s book, Energy Leadershipwith a look at “button pushing.”

What is button pushing anyway? Many of us use the term when complaining about how our kids, parents, spouses or colleagues really know how to push our buttons. What are those buttons and what happens when they’re pushed? Most important, how can we change our reactions to them?

Button pushing is very personal
because it’s ALL ABOUT YOU.

A button is something that, when exercised, leads to a reaction in you that doesn’t feel good at all. The resulting feelings run the gamut of the fear synonyms we explored in the previous post such as anger, contempt, judging, shame, blame and lack, to name a few. If I say or do something and your response is an unhappy one, you have a button and I just pushed it. I didn’t CREATE either the button or your response. I only PUSHED the button, possibly unwittingly.

Button, Button, Who's Got the Button?

Because no one can MAKE you feel anything. As we’ve discussed in previous energy leadership posts, what others say and do is about them and the filters through which they’ve chosen to view the world based on the limiting beliefs, interpretations, assumptions and gremlins born of their conclusions concerning the sum total of their life experiences. In the same way, how you react to others is completely about your chosen conclusions based on your experiences. There is no absolute reality, only the story you are telling yourself in your head about what’s happening, why and what it means.

No one else can push a button
that doesn’t already exist.

Let’s take a look at a situation in which someone’s button is pushed. Sally, Jane and Patrick are in a meeting discussing the implementation of a new company procedure. During the meeting, Sally continually interrupts Jane and Patrick as soon as they begin to speak. Jane responds by kindly but firmly telling Sally that she’s not finished with her thought yet. Patrick doesn’t say anything for a while, then eventually explodes, yelling at Sally about how rude she is.

Button pushing involves reacting to your INTERPRETATION of what’s happening, not to the actual event. Sally pressed a button of Patrick’s and he reacted. Patrick took Sally’s interruptions very personally, based on his past experiences and what he interpreted her actions to mean. Maybe he felt Sally’s interruptions meant she doesn’t respect him or his ideas. If at his core he believes that he isn’t worthy of respect or being listened to, then it’s understandable that he would react negatively to Sally’s interruptions based on his interpretation.

Jane didn’t want to be interrupted either. But because she doesn’t have a button about being unworthy, she didn’t take Sally’s interruption personally. Jane achieved her objective of completing her thought by responding firmly and objectively to Sally. Jane may have other buttons that incite her to riot in other circumstances; Sally’s behavior just didn’t push any of those particular buttons.

In fact, Jane may not take it personally when another female interrupts her but when a man does it, she may blow a gasket. Because her interruptions button is more specialized. It has to do with men not respecting women in general and treating them as if they don’t matter based on how her father and brother always treated her. So if a man interrupts her, heaven help him. The reverse might be true of Patrick, he may not react when men interrupt him because he assumes that’s just what guys do in business. His reaction to Sally doing so may have been based on his generalization that women don’t respect men because he feels his wife and mother don’t listen to a word he says.

Yes, button pushing can be very specialized and personal. So how do you learn to respond objectively instead of taking things personally? First, stop and take a deep breath. When you begin to recenter, ask yourself some questions.

  • Was my response optimal and effective?
  • If not, when else do I tend to react this way?
  • What do those situations have in common with this one?
  • What’s really going on here?
  • What did I take this to mean about me?
  • What is my button?

Armed with these insights, ask yourself how you would like to handle the situation should it come up again or what you could do differently the next time. Role-playing similar scenarios with a professional coach or trusted colleague is a great way to practice your preferred response in advance.

Bringing buttons and interpretations into awareness is an important part of the Core Energy Coaching™ process. Instead of blaming others for pushing your buttons, why not thank them for the opportunity to learn and grow by understanding yourself better?

Wondering about the nature and origins of your buttons and how Core Energy Coaching might help you shift your responses to optimal? Sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Many Faces of Love and Fear

Today, we continue our deep dive into the role and nature of emotions with another excerpt from chapter four of my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!

My first big realization on the road to recovery was that my utter and complete burnout was clear evidence that I had not been loving myself. I was not nurturing, encouraging, or delighting myself in healthy ways physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I was disrespecting my body, mind, feelings, and values. Working myself nearly to death with no regard for illness or despair. If I had treated another being that way, human or feline, I would have been jailed long ago.

When I became serious about uncovering the roots of my imbalance and trying to set it right, I concluded that there are two fundamental types of core energy: love and fear. When I examined the primary energy underneath any thought, feeling, word, or deed, I found love, fear, or some combination of the two.

Love is constructive and moves you forward.
Fear is destructive and holds you back.
Love is the author of truth and reality.
Fear is the author of lies and illusion.

At first, I didn’t always recognize them as love or fear because they didn’t always show up in my life with those specific labels. I found the terms to be nebulous, tricky, and easy to misunderstand. With awareness, persistence, and unflinching honesty, over time I was able to recognize love and fear masquerading under lots of other masks.

In trying to get a more concrete grasp on what healthy self-love might look like, I realized I understood its opposite, fear, much better because I had fueled myself with it for so long. With mindfulness and curiosity, I recognized that the many faces of fear could be synthesized into a four-part pattern that captured the most common guises in which fear showed up in my relationship with myself—contempt, judging, shame, and lack. I then employed one of my favorite writing technologies, the Microsoft Word thesaurus function, to find their opposites—respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude. The chart below is my summary of the many faces of love and fear.

The Many Faces of Love and Fear

With the help of the insight and clarity provided by those particular attributes of love, the light dawned, and I began to make real progress. Focusing on these four constructs helped me more easily answer the eternal question in every situation:

Is this what unconditional
self-love looks like, and if not,
what would bring me closer
to that intention?

While taking good care of myself physically produced many healthy changes, when I shifted from taking good care of myself to falling in love with myself, everything else in my life finally fell into place. I lost weight physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I got off the hamster wheel, found my calling, and created a joyous, fulfilling life. Falling in love with myself was just like falling in love with someone else. I paid attention and treated myself as if I mattered, as if I were my own beloved child.

One of the most powerful changes was being relentless about noticing and transforming any negative head talk into more loving, supportive messages. In chapter 6 of my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, concerning your personal board of directors, I dive deeply into the roots, role, and transformation of this type of self-sabotaging gremlin head chatter. For now, just know that fear is incredibly toxic; it doesn’t take much to poison the well of your life. Little things like the verbs I use—have to, should, need to, can’t, and the like—are indicators that fear is fueling my thoughts and beliefs about a given situation or relationship. Nothing is too small to matter; every little bit of fear you transform into love gives you a substantial energetic boost. It doesn’t take much fear to bring you down. Letting go of even a little will raise you up.

Months after I began writing and teaching about the love-fear energetic dichotomy, I started encountering it all over the place. The message is shared by many of the world’s great spiritual teachers. Though surely I must have encountered this lesson before, I had either misunderstood its application or experienced a common barrier. Head knowledge hadn’t been enough to make a difference. I needed to learn it for myself from painful personal experience.

I needed to take
life’s longest journey:
the eighteen inches
from my head to my heart.

Having made the journey to unconditional love for myself, it is no surprise that when I went looking for a professional coach training school more than a year later, I chose the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) with its core philosophy of Energy Leadership as set forth by iPEC founder Bruce D. Schneider in his book Energy Leadership: Transforming Your Workplace and Your Life from the Core.

Through the iPEC Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner (ELI-MP) certifications, I acquired specialized knowledge, tools, and skills in Core Energy Dynamics™ and Core Energy Coaching™. I incorporated these into my signature approach, along with my Discovery Framework, to strengthen and deepen my ability to help my clients assess and transform their personal energy from fear to love in every situation.

Curious to discover how your current energetic mix of love and fear might be blocking you from your goals and desires? Sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary Core Energy Coaching session and experience the life transforming power of consciously harnessing Core Energy Dynamics for yourself.

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, Energy Leadership, Love, Fear & Gremlins | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Emotions as Messengers

Today, for a deeper dive into the role and nature of emotions, I’m sharing an excerpt on the importance of self-compassion found in chapter four of my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!

Noticing and embracing all of our emotions is essential to finding flow and making it a way of life. It is nearly impossible to know how to nurture ourselves optimally if we are not willing to go inside, root around a bit and discover what makes us tick.

I know that when you are going through something painful you might feel you can’t bear the added anguish that might result from additional data. The opposite is actually the case; the fear festers and grows in the dark, taking over our lives precisely because we refuse to look at it closely. When we expose it to light and air by examining it with love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude rather than judging, the fear immediately begins to lose some of its power.

Emotions are important messengers. They help us notice the implications of what is happening and gain the maximum benefit from everything we experience. They are powerful indicators of where fear may still have a stronghold and be blocking our growth. They point the way to where we might go exploring for untapped veins of developmental gold.

Emotions as Messengers

Knowing how to recognize, process, express and release emotions is essential to our well-being. When we don’t do so, the resulting buildup of fear-based emotional toxins can be energetically lethal. Our systems bog down from the poison and we become stuck in an endless loop of replaying past pain, injuring and crippling ourselves even more.

When I first began coaching, I was surprised by the number of clients, men and women alike, who were ashamed of crying, even in the presence of a licensed professional coach. Some cited a special appreciation for the norm of coaching by phone because they believed I wouldn’t know when they were crying. (Though it is unlikely that an experienced, intuitive life coach won’t know that you are crying, even if you do so silently.) Tears are a common human response to strong emotion, especially fear and its cousins. For many, the only way to avoid crying is to avoid feeling.

Why is shedding tears so important and beneficial? There is a great parallel in the example of therapeutic massage. Every massage therapist I’ve ever worked with encouraged me to drink lots of water for the twenty-four to forty-eight hours after a massage. Deep tissue work releases copious toxins into your system. For the net result of the massage to be beneficial, it is necessary to flush those toxins from your system as quickly and completely as possible. When you don’t do so, your body may become overwhelmed, resulting in illness. Water is an essential element in ensuring that the massage is therapeutic and not detrimental. Water fosters flow.

Think of crying as the emotional equivalent of water after a massage. When you’ve done deep emotional work on your own or with a guide, stored emotional toxins are released into your system. Tears are one of the common ways to release those toxins and gain the full benefit of the emotional work. Some clients who are carrying a lifetime of unacknowledged, unfelt stored emotions say they are afraid that if they start crying now, they will never stop. While I empathize with that concern, I am happy to report it doesn’t tend to happen. Even a little bit of crying can do a world of good. The stored-up tears do stop, and then, by remaining aware and fully embracing all of your feelings all of the time, you’ll find a little bit of crying goes a long way. Just respecting your feelings enough to notice them and demonstrate compassion rather than continuing to tell yourself to suck it up and stop being a wimp will result in far greater emotional equilibrium and resilience in the face of life’s ups and downs.

When tears arise, it’s an indicator that we are in the presence of a big insight that bears deeper exploration once the strong emotions have been respected and cleared. Other times, there is nothing of note, just a need for a little release of pent-up stress. How do you know which you are dealing with?

Once the tears have passed, breathe, close your eyes and recenter yourself. Once centered, ask yourself if something bears deeper examination. Notice subtle responses throughout the major energy systems in your body, especially any tightening in your head, neck, chest, solar plexus or stomach. Such responses may mean there is more to be worked through. An overall feeling of well-being usually means there is nothing to look at, or nothing to look at right now. In all cases, just trust your intuition. This powerful technique may also be applied to decision making. While it may feel too subtle to notice at first, with practice you will become quite adept at reading your energy.

Remember, emotions are not automatic—they stem from how we interpret events and situations by labeling them as “good” or bad.” Every time you notice yourself experiencing unpleasant emotions, stop and demonstrate genuine compassion for yourself. When you feel “heard” and ready to dig deeper, neutralize the judging voice with curiosity so you can begin looking for the important messages and opportunities buried within the experience. With practice, you’ll be amazed by how adept you become at shifting your energy from catabolic to anabolic through the power of compassionate conscious choice.

Eager to begin exploring the goldmine of valuable messages underneath your emotions? Sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, Energy Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

When Life Sends You Lemons

Our study of the empowerment principles shared in Bruce D. Schneider’s book, Energy Leadership continues with an exploration of how we respond to life.

While most of us would be quick to say we want less stress in our lives, what we really want is greater ability to respond with equanimity, creativity and optimism to whatever comes our way. It’s been said many times, the only control we have in life is how we respond. We may not be able to choose what happens to us, but we can choose our responses to the people and situations we encounter.

Let’s take a look at five common responses people have to stressful situations. As you read through these five responses, you may want to think of a recent stressful event or uncomfortable news you received, and determine what your reaction to that event can teach you about how you habitually respond. You may have one type of response at work, and another at home or you may react differently depending on who else is involved.

When life sends you lemons, make lemonade!

A first—and all too common—response to stressful events is to suffer and make yourself a victim to it. People who respond this way don’t take action. Things happen TO them. Though they may invest considerable time and energy complaining and being miserable about their situation, they don’t take any actual steps to encourage themselves or try to change anything. Over the long haul, allowing circumstances to dictate your responses can take a dangerous toll on physical and mental health.

A second response is to ignore or avoid the situation. People responding this way make a decision not to get involved in a situation that they don’t see as concerning them or upon which they can’t have a positive impact. For example, someone may choose not to get involved in a dispute going on within their office if it doesn’t directly involve them.

A third type of response is to accept the situation and put it into perspective. Someone with this response may say “so what” and follow up with asking how much it will matter in a year, a week or even a day.

A fourth way to respond is to take action that begins moving the situation toward resolution. This self-empowering response is one that many effective leaders employ.

A fifth way people respond to stressors is to alter their experience of the situation. When we look at a situation differently, the experience itself changes. Changing perceptions can be the most challenging of the responses, because we can get stuck in our own limiting beliefs, interpretations and assumptions about what’s happening, but it is perhaps the most powerful of all.

It’s your world and you can create it as you wish. Remember, what one person sees as stressful, another person barely notices and another sees as exciting and full of opportunity. How are you going to choose to paint your reality today?

Curious about the energetic signature of your own habitual responses to circumstances? Start reclaiming your power of conscious constructive choice by signing up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Do You Appreciate the True Human Resource?

In the past eight Energy Leadership blog posts, we’ve explored some of the key differences between catabolic and anabolic leaders. In this post, we’ll take a closer look at how the two types of leaders treat and think about their human resources—the people who work with them and those who report to them.

We hear the term Human Resources a lot and HR departments are found at companies large and small. But have you ever stopped to consider what the term really means?

William R. Tracey, in The Human Resources Glossary, defines Human Resources as “The people that staff and operate an organization.” Businessdictionary.com considers it “the scarcest and most crucial productive resource that creates the largest and longest lasting advantage for an organization. It resides in the knowledge, skills and motivation of people.”

Catabolic leaders take advantage of the people around them. Catabolic leaders are only interested in what they and their organizations can get from others. People are treated like pawns in a game that the catabolic leader controls; no consideration is given to others’ feelings and needs.

Do You Appreciate the True Human Resource?

Catabolic leaders rarely, if ever, share credit with staff or colleagues. If you report to catabolic leaders, they probably feel they own you and your accomplishments. And, if you’re a colleague, you’re treated as competition in a scarcity-based dog-eat-dog world where collaboration is only considered a weakness. Though catabolic leaders often come across as bossy and condescending, this pose masks a deep sense of low self-esteem and insecurity that they bolster through a false sense of superiority.

Remembering from quantum physics that energy attracts like energy, it’s no wonder that catabolic leaders encounter what they expect: employees that present problems.

Anabolic leaders, on the other hand, respectfully harness the creative and productive potential of those around them. Having the belief that we all have something to offer, anabolic leaders look for ways to integrate staff talents with company needs. These leaders see their staff and colleagues as gifted and filled with possibilities. Anabolic leaders help team members find their unique blend of gifts and utilize those gifts to serve the organization and the individuals sharing their gifts. Such leaders recognize the competencies of those around them, and they act in ways that make others truly feel like partners, whatever their titles or organizational levels. Because greatness is expected, greatness is expressed.

Anabolic leaders coach their team members, using important skills such as listening, acknowledging, validating, championing and envisioning to create constructive relationships and establish all individuals in the organization as leaders in their own right. Instead of finding people to be problems, anabolic leaders find people to be a limitless source of potential and opportunities.

In too many organizations, the focus of the HR Department is still dealing with “problem people.” If leaders saw the people in their companies as genuine resources—a veritable goldmine of opportunities—rather than the source of problems, how much greater the contribution of the HR department itself might be to the success and growth of those organizations.

How do you and your organization treat your human resources? Are your people “problems” needing to be fixed (and failing that, eliminated) or do you nurture, inspire and empower your most precious and valuable asset?

To strengthen your recognition and appreciation of the personal and professional human resources in your life, sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2015 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment